well someone said it’s basically not enough to think about a thing,you should do something about it. I totally disagree. Sometimes thinking is the best we can do.

Like me thinking about the Bora Bora island every morning as i take a bath, knowing fully well it would take a miracle for me to abandon my job and whisk off to a romantic island all by my self or probably with a total stranger aspiring same crazy adventure as i am.

When i was a child , i dreaded the idea of getting old. For every year i turned a year older,i would cry. As i got into my teenage years, my gerascophobia grew in multiple folds. Thinking of turning thirty someday made my inside hurt.

“happy birthday”, someone would say and i’d mumble in reply “Good grief”. On my seventeenth birthday, someone whispered, “My God you’re getting older..!” And i can’t forget how i ran home crying like Anna in Frozen.

I was pretty small for my age too. Okay I rephrase that! I was pretty small and skinny for my age. I looked like a girl of nine when i turned 15. I looked way too young for my age,practically because of my thin frame and baby face. I remember going to a dance with my girlfriends who looked way older than i did and most of the boys thought i was a younger sister to one of the girls. So yes,no boy asked me for a dance. There i was,sitting by the corner watching all the boys and girls dance and have fun and i was just sitting there staring at the floor like a lost child.

got a lot of avengers in school too who picked on me as a victim and bullied the ‘love of life’ out of me. Often times, you wonder why you can’t summon an earthquake when you desperately need one, so you can disappear into the grounds when the ‘avengers’ crew gather around you during lunch break.

Turning Thirty was a nightmare to me. Or probably a nightmare to anyone who never want to grow old.Like ever! Its a moment when the guys feel frustrated at not having the life of their dreams or the kind of jobs they’ve always wanted.It’s a moment when the single women take a look at their image in the mirror and freak out.A moment when the ladies get into the panic zone at not having a good man in their life or any promising relationship.It’s a time of awakening and a time of desperate measure for some people.

A moment when mothers desperately want to be grannies and siblings want to have nephews and nieces. A time when nephews and nieces want to have cousins. A moment when no one cares about what you want because they think you ought to have figured out what you want and should have achieved it by now.

Turning Thirty is a moment of sacrifice. A moment to put some dreams and fantasies on hold and chase after what matters more. A moment of belonging,sharing and involving. Turning Thirty should not be a nightmare or thescary episodes of WALKING DEAD. It’s amoment to put yourself aside and think more of those you love ;those that matter a lot in your life.1-mBsv2DNeOHb8YmmeUTsyUg

Walking down the hall way to the back room, I stiffened up a little. It was a Thursday morning and for some reason i had insisted on coming to work. I had been summoned by my boss to the back office and i wasn’t sure what this was about. As I walked to meet him, I thought to myself if I was really excited about today. It was that day in August that i wasn’t sure i was happy about each year. Some years it was good, some years it was bad.This year, only time will tell.I’ll just wait and see.

As I opened the back door leading to the back office, i almost had a heart attack.

“Surprise!” they all yelled.

While i was caught up in my world all morning,i hadn’t noticed the absence of half of the catering staffs.I was too busy worrying about my new age and the new responsibilities expected of mefrom henceforth.

As I approached the cake with the number thirty candle burning right at the
center of it. I looked at the faces of everyone gathered around me.And it dawned on me, I was a selfish soul!

In all the struggles and hard times, I could have been dead. I could have been paralyzed and confined to a bed. I could have been blind and leaning on another for help. I could have lost everything. I could have been in a war zone fighting for my life.But here I was. Healthy,whole and alive and surrounded by people who were glad I was strong and still standing. Even more grateful for my life than i was. Everyone was excited of my new age but me.

“i’m a douche bag”, I said to myself with a laugh as I blew my candlelight.

“what did you wish for?” Abby my colleague said to me as we were heading back to our offices.

I smiled.

I shrugged.

“To always be thirty forever…”, I said, munching into my piece of the cake.

Yes Thirty is the year that rocks! The age of a lifetime! The age of sacrifice and of freedom.

Turning Thirty, was the best thing that ever happened to me!


written by Ayana Jacobs

photography by  & Erin D.


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