I once imagined what it would feel like to sit down and listen to an almost entire sad life history of a total stranger and how refreshing it would feel when it eventually comes to an end. That moment when your butt can breath some fresh air as you walk them to the door. I guess for me, curiosity did kill the cat.
So as I sat there from across the curly-haired pretty damsel,all I could see was a fragile little woman. she seemed broken with emotions but yet strong on the outside;like a hen guarding her chick.
“okay,” I said, trying to push my luck a little further. ” why don’t we go through your thoughts on your love life and how it’s affecting you in general. Lets try to be more specific this time”
See,i have only began my practice as a therapist two months and have already met a handful of people with crazy situations you just can’t comprehend.
She looked at me for a while then let her eyes wander back to the ceiling.she was lying on the couch with her legs crossed and a hand above her head.Her body frame looked like a super model about to take some photo shoots for Victoria secret. I waited patiently for her to begin even though my butt was beginning to ache for a break.These sofas don’t come in comfy shapes anymore and its hard sitting for hours on these “humble holders”.
Finally she spoke up.
” Growing up, I assumed life would be beautiful regardless of what the earth tried to define it as.I imagined my first day in school…lots of friends and foes as well. My first kiss with the clumsy guy cause I always felt the cute guys were too busy admiring themselves anyways…I imagined my first love,if I was lucky enough to let the clumsy one go.And how peaceful my relationship would be,” She stopped and looked at me.
I braced myself. I really hoped this was going somewhere.
“Continue…,” I nodded at her.
“Same sweaters, couple of team t-shirts , me sleeping in his favorite blue shirt … well yes, he’s got to love blue…its only typical… I assume…right?” she asked me.
“Go on…,” i said, looking at my pad to make sure i jolted down the right materials i needed.
“I thought of our cuddles and pillow fights. Going dancing,building beach houses, boat cruise… You know,all the fun stuffs that couples do. I thought of our first argument and little quarrels and how we’ll make up… our first outing together. Our first jealously misunderstanding. Our first trip. Our first date. Our first sightseeing….phew! I imagined meaning more to him than anything else.I imagined the first time he’ll say those words to me “I love you” and I’ll smile or even cry ,who knows I may have to do both…,” her voice rang on.
* * * * * * * * * * *
(30 Minutes later)
I looked at the clock, it was thirty minutes after but she was still not done yet.i could still hear her voice a bit sober now…
“Then I Imagined that moment I always get to read about in stories and watch in movies… THE PROPOSAL. The candlelight dinner,the peaceful atmosphere, the music and flowers, the scent of love and slow dance as he gets on his knee and says those words … The eternal words that make every woman’s heart melt like a pop in July … Will you marry me?…oh God,those words… I imagine my heart pounding so fast as I swallow quickly the urge to break down and cry… But then its expected of me to show some appreciation,right? …so I cry anyways.”
I took a sip from my glass of water as my throat was beginning to go dry.And she
“I’ve spent a lot of time planning most of my friends weddings and all, I think a lot of my own bridal shower… What would be my theme?… Maybe an aviation crew (sounds fair to me) …And yes! My wedding dress. Nothing dramatic but my God, they all need to stare as I walk by to meet my prince. So I was thinking of PLAIN BUT SEXY…,” she said,dreamily like she was in a dazed state.
My Butt was beginning to hurt so bad. I shouldn’t have worn these tight skirts today.
“I imagined my honeymoon too,you know” She continued, sitting up this time and staring me right in the face. “Maybe in Hawaii? Bahamas? Or a crazy city like Las Vegas. Or we could even just go to Bora Bora.”
“But all these are just your imaginations, Ms Becka.” I had to cut in. ” I want to know much about your love life with David and how it has affected you so far in life”
“Getting to that in a bit,” She said. “you need to know all my fantasies then i’ll tell you what became of them…every single one of them.”
“okay then…,” I nodded. Pretty sure i wasn’t okay with it.
“I imagined having a boy for him. Just like his father. Same smile…even cuter. The product of my imagination that came alive. What would we call him? Snickers? Pepsi? Goosebumps? … sounds crazy right, i know,” she laughed. “…i just imagined a good life with him. That we will forever be happy and nothing will come between us…i’ll be all he wants and he’ll be all i ever prayed for..” She paused, looking down at her heels to suppress the tears building up.
I waited for her next fantasy lines but none was forthcoming. My hurting butt wasn’t helping this sudden awkward silence either so i cleared my throat softly and asked, “so what happened?”
life is full of surprises and only a fool goes through life without expecting a surprise package at some point in his life. The ability to overcome our challenges in life rests on us and the efforts we make towards most of life surprising situations we come across. You should know that there will always be that moment when people would ask you ” SO WHAT HAPPENED?“
Moments of striving hard,making plans, following principles and trying to do it right till the end. But somehow life throws a surprise package at you. An unexpected circumstance. And then comes the”courage-eaters” to make you feel worse with ” SO WHAT HAPPENED?”
She looked up at me with tears running down her cheeks and the words slipped, “He never showed up…The man I dreamed of never came.”
Huh? Okay so we spent almost two hours in a session talking about a man who never showed up. A man who didn’t even exist in reality. A David who wasn’t even real.
We women are some special breeds, really. We were crafted in a spectacular way than any other creature ever made.We sit and plan for things and situations that don’t even exist.As i looked at her now crumpled image on the couch,it suddenly occurred to me that I was the one that got her to that point of despair. I had asked the ‘abomination’ of a question and she had cracked.
First, no one defines your destiny but you.Acknowledge that fact, and learn to accept that surprises and unexpected events are part of life and are unavoidable.Not all unexpected events are negative.Sometimes, what seems like a problem, or even a disaster, could be a blessing in disguise.Maintain a positive attitude towards life.Also when making a plan, always have an alternate plan, in case the first plan fails.
Also sometimes, in small and unimportant matters try to do things differently, without premeditating about them.Focus on the present moment, living it the best, learning from it the most you can, and taking advantages of new opportunities that come your way. Detach yourself from the crowd. Build up your inner strength.A state of inner strength brings stability, and a better control of your mind and actions, so that you can cope with any situation. This you can do by training and strengthening your willpower and self-discipline, two of the main pillars of inner strength.Lastly, meditate on your plans daily.
Ms Becka had a good plan.She imagined all the good things about love and relationship.But life hit her hard with surprises.She couldn’t believe that with all her beauty and personality she was still single and yet to meet her ‘David’.
Looking at her walk away from my office with a smile and a positive countenance. I felt relieved. Not from my hurting butt but from the fact that i was able to put courage back into the heart of a thirty-four year old woman who felt like she would never find the right man in her life to make all her imaginations come true. I made her understand that with the right approach in life she could turn her situation from “…the man who never showed up” to the “…the man who’ll never let go.”
And soon all those who asked ,” SO WHAT HAPPENED?” will want to know ‘ HOW IT HAPPENED’
written by Ayana L.Jacobs.